I took a yoga class at the gym last night. It sounded good when proposed, “Hey, why don’t you come and take a poolside yoga class tonight” she said. I hesitated, then another friend added “We can have chocolate martinis at my house afterwards.” Damn!!! She got me with the power of the martini!!

So there I was, among the skinny and flexible, clearly out-of-place. My yoga friend (who also happens to be an instructor) just in front of me and clearly in her element. It started out fantastic. Lying there on our backs, breathing, just breathing. “I like this thing they call yoga,” I thought.

I liked the child pose, downward facing dog was a stretch for me, the “scorpion” was even do-able. Then it happened. After repeated planks and yoga push ups, my arms started shaking and I knew I would not make it through the session.

Then the instructor said two words that will haunt me for the rest of my life..EAGLE POSE.

If you are unfamiliar with the pose, you are standing on one foot, knee bent with your arms intertwined in front of you while your remaining leg is wrapped around your support leg. I seriously don’t know how I managed to do this one.  As I looked around at the others, no one was flinching, I was not gonna wuss out.  I just kept my mind on chocolate martinis.

The next move was called the “pigeon pose” and I think this is the one I am hurting from today.  It started out simple with a leg tucked in front and the other outstretched behind.  Then the instructor said something to the effect of back stretch and grab your foot and the next thing I know I am twisted up like an awkward pretzel freak and am not sure I will know how to get out of it other than to simply collapse into a mess onto my yoga mat.  So that’s what I did.  Not very graceful, I know, but hey, I never claimed to be a yogi.

I managed to make it through, although not unscathed.  I woke up with crampy legs, a stiff neck and no desire to hear the word yoga for as long as I live.  All kidding aside, I do one day hope to be able to make it though a session without feeling like a shaking mess of uncoordinated blobbiness.  For now, I will practice at home.

Next time I think I will skip the yoga class and go straight to the martinis.  Those chocolate martinis were fantastic.  Mmmm.