I live in very close proximity to the Orland Square Mall, yet I actually frequent the mall about 3 times per year. These times are necessary because, one is on Black Friday and it is a right of passage into the holiday season. Another visit is to JCPenny for band/orchestra concert attire for the kids, completely unavoidable.
The third visit is usually due to the fact that my husband and kids DO like the mall and come home with strange pillows from Brookstone and clothes that do not fit and it is left to me to take them all back.
Top 5 reasons why I avoid the mall
5-Target. Target has everything I could possibly want and need for the everyday purpose, to an extent. Come on people, you can pick up juice boxes, bananas, boneless/skinless chicken breasts and shampoo while sipping your Starbucks caramel macchiatto, score Mizrahi’s latest casual sundress and grab a soft pretzel on the way out, this place is heavenly. Mall shmall.
4-Naked Abercrombie.The last thing I want to see is a 20 foot tall abdomen of a 15 year old boy. Nuff said.
3.Herds of Teens.I have nothing against teenagers, heck, I am about to have three of them in my own home. There is something that happens when the teens get together at the mall and the group grows to more than 4 girls though. Voices get louder and more “Cali valley girlie” and I am always lucky enough to walk next to or near one of these gaggle of girls on my rare visits. Whatevs..yuh huh and all that.
2.Parking. Can a girl get a parking spot?!?! I swear, finding a parking spot on the weekend at the mall takes a mixture of skill, luck and determination. I have found that watching for someone walking out of the mall then tracking them like a stalker is a pretty good technique. I heard Simon was planning on giving the old mall a facelift. How about throwing in some valet parking services for good measure?
And the number 1 reason I avoid the mall…..Hair Straightener Lady. That’s right. Sure, she holds the power of silky, shiny hair in the palm of her hand, but does she really need to accost me every time I walk past her with the “let me show you how beautiful your hair can be” line. Excuse me? I spent 30 seconds this morning managing this mane and I think it looks great. No thank you should end it but I think she misunderstands and the only way to escape the straightener lady is by rudely walking away while she is talking. Believe me, I have tried the “sorry, in a hurry” bit but girlfriend will follow you unless you are blunt and rude. I hate being blunt and rude on purpose and that is why persistent hair straightener lady keeps me from the mall. Doesn’t she know I have three japanese bean pillows to return to Brookstone?!?!
Have a great week, even if you must go to the mall.