Pass the F-ing Potatoes

I have been known to drop the F-bomb pretty frequently among other colorful words in my vocabulary and it has always been a rule in my house that only the adults are allowed to swear.  Lately, however, as my children are getting older the rule has been infringed upon quite a lot.  I will allow the occasional “Oh, Shit!” if the situation warrants the exclamation.  For example, an extremely painful toe stub, milk spilled on an essay that you just finished writing, etc..  I know all of the so-called “perfect moms” out there will disagree and deem this unacceptable, but this is my house, therefore, my rules.

Now, since I do not want the kids to think that all rules we make can be disobeyed, I called one of my infamous family meetings to announce the amendment to the swearing rule.  The kids could hardly keep a straight face after my speech which included acceptable swear words and appropriate use of the swear words.  My eldest son inquired “What if (his sister) hits me and I need to express the pain?  Can I say F- you?”  To which I replied “No, didn’t I just go over appropriate uses of the F word?? If she hits you and it really hurts and you feel the only way to express yourself is through the use of vulgarity, I would say  Damn it! or son of a b…! would be much more appropriate.”  I mean, after all, if you are gonna swear, do it right. 

The questions kept coming inquiring about what they can say and I think this was the longest family meeting we have ever held.  My youngest was included ( I know, bad mom) and he was told that in two years time, he too would earn the privilege.  All in due time dear, all in due time.

These new rules apply in my home only.  They are not to swear at school, at relatives homes, friends houses or anywhere that is not my home for that matter.  There are also situations when they cannot swear.  When we have company, when anyone is on the phone and when the situation does not warrant the use of a swear word.  I mean, they cannot be at the dinner table and say “Pass the f-ing potatoes”.

I have to say, in the days that have followed this new developement in my home, I have seen a dramatic drop in swearing among the little angels.  I guess if it isn’t frowned upon it just isn’t worthwhile anymore. 

Go figure.

About Orland Park Mom

Mom, writer, domestic goddess, superhero extraordinaire. Yeah, that's me.
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